He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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