He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have peed in a lot of sinks
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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