From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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