she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
MIDGETS
????
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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