So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just gift wrapped bread.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
