It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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