I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
