I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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