I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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