I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
