So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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