a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
