The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
