I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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