Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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