good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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