Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's great music for shaving your balls
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
