I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think my moral compass just broke
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize