so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
