forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
