So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
