I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
