He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
