And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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