oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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