I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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