Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
id be glad to
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
