It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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