I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just invented taco cereal.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
