I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
