She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
