if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
