Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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