Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
