Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
