I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
