I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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