If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
