I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize