you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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