I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
