yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
