she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
