No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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