if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize