The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
