yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
