I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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