Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize