i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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