Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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