Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
