She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
