ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
