He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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