Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
