so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize