is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
