She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
