I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
