what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
