If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
