Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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