the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
