He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i've created a new STD.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
