You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
