8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
