Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
