Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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