I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
