Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
