I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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