Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
