clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
