Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
