I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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