I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He passed out mid-signature
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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