Duck Duck Cougar?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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