JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
