I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want to make out with him forever
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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