ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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