The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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