I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
