i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
