dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
