oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
