and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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