Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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