She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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