you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
