you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
