I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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